![]() One of these particularly low moments, I scared myself into anger - at my ex, at myself, at this entire stupid situation. This description rings true to me: After the breakup, I felt physically ill, exhausted, and devastated. There’s some physiological rationales behind that thinking. There is a real analogy of the, quote, broken heart. “Whereas emotionally it can be quite a big deal, and can be a risk factor for depression, which is no clinical condition to take lightly. “We have this pervasive idea that, ‘oh, it’s just a breakup, it’s not that big of a deal,’” he said. So my breakup was a cocaine withdrawal? Boutwell says yes. “You have this drive to get that fix in the form of being around the person that you care about.” “Falling in love presents very much like an addictive process,” he told me. He said that being in love involves the same neural circuitry as a cocaine addiction. Louis University, he gave me some insight into the science behind my sadness. When I spoke to Brian Boutwell, an evolutionary psychologist at St. I sat by my window and listened to “A Case of You” on repeat. In the nights that followed, I had the dramatic push-pull experience that everyone experiences immediately following a breakup: on top of the world and triumphant in my decision one moment, certain that my ex would come crawling back, confident that I had made the right call, and then suddenly heartbroken, afraid, and completely numb, somehow all simultaneously. ![]() “I’m not getting what I need,” I told him. One afternoon at the end of my workday, eight months after our relationship began, I found myself sitting in my parked car, dialing his number in a moment of panic and confusion. Weekend trips ended in tears and yelling. Arguments interrupted even the briefest phone conversations. ![]() Then all of a sudden, we were on the rocks. Why it’s so hard to get over your ex, according to a relationship psychologist
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